Heart of Cooking

This is a continuation of my posts about my healing journey.  If you haven’t read my previous posts, it may be helpful to read them before you read this one, but it’s not completely necessary.

Deep in my heart I always knew that life was about being happy.  And yet, it seemed like the most illusive thing to me for so many years of my life.  I may have appeared happy on the outside.  I became quite good at putting on a show by appearing happy.  But inside, I felt like I was always on an infinite search for peace and happiness within my heart.  At times I felt like I found it through certain things like creating artwork, dancing and other things I enjoyed.

However, it never lasted.  Life seemed like an endless mountain to be climbed.  I would finally reach one peak, find some joy within my heart, only to be crushed by another plummet into depression.

I talked about some of these ups and downs in this post, and now I am finally writing the follow up story of what happened postpartum.  You may also be interested in this post about all the changes that have occurred while on the GAPS diet.

I will share that the main reason why I am writing this is because I can’t help but share my experience, no matter how hard it is to share it.  It’s one of those things you don’t really want to do, but you feel like there is an invisible string, tugging at your heart, telling you to keep going or doing whatever you’re meant to do in this world.

And some of these things are hard to do.  But it’s for a reason.  I believe we are all meant to help each other in some way.  Even in just small ways.  It doesn’t have to be a huge and giant undertaking.

So, enough with the stalling.

The experiences that transpired in my life after I gave birth to my son are some of the hardest I have ever been through in my life.  What seemed hard before birth now seems like a walk in the park, not to say that all those years of feeling hopeless and depressed weren’t difficult.

Because it was so difficult, I didn’t share it with many people; not until I actually started finding answers (so typical of me, to be so self-reliant).  So many of my family members don’t know the extent to the difficulties we faced as a family the first year or so of Elijah’s life.  And the doctors who I visited never got the full run down because I felt so bad about the situation – namely, I blamed myself.

There is a quote that goes something like, “When things get difficult, keep going.  You are on the edge of breakthrough.”  I don’t know the source and I don’t even think the words are correct, but it was what kept me going on the days I felt like life was falling apart.  Turns out, it was true, for which I am very grateful.

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Okay, so I keep alluding (on Facebook and previous blog posts) to the fact that I am working on a post about my mental breakdowns that I had postpartum.  Mental breakdowns that basically made me into a crazy, rageful, out of control monster for about 5 minutes when ever I would happen to have one.

I’ve been working on the post for six months now.  I have to admit it’s been difficult for me to get it written so that I can actually share it.

Part of it is that these experiences still feel very close at hand and they’re not easy to talk about.  Most people who know me don’t know I’ve had these experiences over the past couple of years.  Even now, when I am out of the woods and no longer experiencing these crazy episodes where I thought I was going to lose my mind – even now, it is still hard to get it all written down.

Another part is that there is so much to it.  My life has completely changed from being on GAPS.  Not only am not having anxiety attacks and mental breakdowns, I am just a completely happier and at peace person now.  I really can’t believe how much has changed, really.

So I thought I would start with the basics and just write down all the points in my life that have changed after going on the GAPS diet.  Then I can talk more about the more juicier aspects of visiting the crazy side of life in a future post.

If you don’t know about GAPS, it is a grain, starch and sugar free diet that can help people with all sorts of mental problems such as depression, which I experienced for years since being a teen.

You can read more about the diet here.

As far as the chart below goes, many of the symptoms listed are things I have dealt with my entire life.  The only thing that only happened postpartum were the mental breakdowns, etc.  However, now that I say that, I did have some mental breakdowns during pregnancy and even before that.  But they weren’t as pronounced and I didn’t find myself beating the daylights out of inanimate objects.  They were more like crying fits and feeling utterly depressed.

And everything on the list became more pronounced after giving birth.  The whole experience of pregnancy, birth, exclusive breastfeeding and motherhood basically shined the light on a part of myself that was already in need of healing and made it imperative that something had to change in order for me to live as a normal person.

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If you’ve been waiting for the GAPS menu planner, it is now available!

I am very happy to be able to offer this menu planner for people who follow Full GAPS, SCD or Paleo diets.  This menu planner is also dairy-free with nut-free options.

It is also a great menu planner as an elimination diet or for people who are on a yeast-free diet.

I have personally found this diet to be extremely helpful in my own life.  I truly can’t believe the changes that have occurred in my life as a result of following a grain, starch, sugar and yeast free diet.

To name just a few major changes, my lifelong mood swings and depression have almost completely vanished.  I have much more energy and the anxiety that I began to experience postpartum has been replaced with a peaceful and happy mind and heart!

I am really full of gratitude for the diet coming into my life!  I have been writing about these changes in my blog, and will be continuing with my post-postpartum experiences very soon.  You can read about my experiences with GAPS here.

Who can benefit from the GAPS diet?  (Find out more here at the official GAPS website)

Anyone with the following symptoms or experiences in life:

• Depression
• Autism
• ADHD
• Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
• Learning disabilities
• Schizophrenia
• Anxiety
• Nightwakings
• Behavioral problems
• Hyperactivity
• Bipolar disorder
• Ecxema
• Asthma
• Colic
• Failure to Thrive
• Fussy eaters
• IBS – Irritable Bowel Syndrome
• Frequent colds, flu or ear infections
• Dyslexia
• Dyspraxia
• Not breast-fed
• Have had numerous courses of antibiotics
• Chronic cystitis
• Mood swings
• Poor memory
• Difficulties to concentrate
• Underweight
• Crohn’s disease
• Ulcerative colitis
• Any other digestive disorder

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Last summer I was gifted a bottle of Tropical Traditions Gold Label Virgin Coconut oil along with the book, Virgin Coconut Oil by the company.  It has taken me this long to write a review of the coconut oil because of what I experienced when I started eating the oil on a regular basis.

At the time of receiving the oil and the book, I knew of coconut oil’s nourishing and healing qualities.  I wrote a post about it in the fall of 2008 talking about the different qualities of coconut oil.  I even wrote:

“The principle fatty acid in coconut milk, lauric acid, is a medium-chain 12-carbon saturated fatty acid that has potent antiviral, antifungal, and antimicrobial properties.”  Nourishing Traditions by Sally Fallon

However, I was also not eating coconut oil regularly enough to really benefit from its highly nourishing and healing properties.  But when I received the Tropical Traditions oil and read most of the book about its qualities, I decided to start eating it regularly.

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This is a follow up post from my previous post about my healing journey with the GAPS diet.  If you didn’t read my previous post, it may make sense to read it either before or after this one.

I have thought a lot about how to write about my life and how I have come to the place I am right now.  I feel as though I have walked over a landscape of mountains in my life and have arrived at a cozy meadow in a beautiful wood.  Things are pleasant and beautiful right now.  And while I believe that life is about growth and continually walking towards deeper healing and love in our hearts, there is something different about the meadow I am finding myself in right now.

While I know I will continue growing, something really profound has opened up in my life the past few months.  In short, I believe this beautiful meadow is here to stay as a presence of happiness in my heart and in my life, despite any changes life may bring on the outside.  A couple months ago, I wrote this in my journal:

“This is how we were made – all of us – full of joy, happiness, beauty and creativity.  But what happens to us during our life can take this away, and it is our journey to find it again, and to know it is the truth and realness of who we each are.

“Although there is suffering in life, life is not about suffering.  It is about finding a way through our suffering to find the joy again.  To discover that it was there all along, but we simply didn’t see it.”  I would add now, “couldn’t feel it” as well.

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painting by Sarah Schatz

This is the first year I can remember in  a long time where I am not being affected adversely by the cold weather and lack of sunlight.  December and January are usually my least favorite months and I often feel like I am hanging on by my finger nails until spring time when I can again feel the warmth of the sun spreading its light upon the earth and my body.  Strangely, I even felt this way when I lived in southern California where it is sunny and temperate all year round.

A lot of things have changed for me.  And I don’t think it is a far cry to say my life has completely changed in the past six months or so.  This is all due to embracing a diet that is really working for my body and is helping me heal from the inside out.

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